(BRANDON HANSEN/Managing Editor of the Chewelah Independent)
While everyone talks about the Stevens County economy like it’s some magical Rubik’s Cube that could be solved if we just sent Jay Inslee on vacation, I keep thinking “what if one cottage industry we could establish is a vibrant film community?” Other places have done it by making it easy to get permits and giving companies a nice tax break in turn for bringing in temporary jobs and a good shot of money to the area from the cast and crew.
Think about it; here are the films that COULD have been filmed in Stevens County.
I’m not going to lie, as a kid I thought that this Pierce Brosnan film about a NW volcano erupting was filmed in Chewelah or Colville. It has all the same trappings of a timber-locked community with a big mountain nearby. Now Stevens County’s geological activity is about as vibrant as our clubbin’ scene, but still. CGI a nice, scary-looking volcano and we could pay a few people to run around town like we’re about to get run over by a pyroclastic flow.
(Speaking of which, we’re pretty lucky here. Sure we have to deal with wildfires, but compared to volcanoes, hurricanes and tornadoes, I feel pretty lucky about our situation.)
This movie also made me not want to jump into Browns Lake for a week after the acid lake scene. THANKS, movie.
(Ghostbusters 2 also made me not want to take a bath for a month after the pink goop scene. My parents hated the movie for this single reason.)
Guys with guns, walking around in a forest only to run up against a predator? Isn’t that like every Friday night in Stevens County? Now the Predator in the movie is an advanced alien with super hunter technology and not the cougars and wolves we’re all afraid of, but still! Besides, Arnold walking around the Colville National Forest spouting off one-liners needs to happen.
ANY KEVIN COSTNER MOVIE
You could literally shoot ANY Kevin Costner film in Stevens County, except for Waterworld. The Postman was filmed right next door, Dances with Wolves could HAVE almost played out here in Stevens County anyway, and you’re telling me there aren’t baseball players from Colville and Chewelah that aren’t like the baseball players in Bull Durham?
The best version of Robin Hood? I swear there are probably a band of Merry Men in the forest right now ready to trip me up in a river and steal my press pass or something.
I could also see some baseball players showing up in some farmer’s field somewhere, although they better identify themselves before the bullets start flying.
Someone send a postcard to Costner, I swear he’s like NE Washington’s official mascot.
This film should have been shot in Chewelah. You have a NW town, a casino, a saw mill, a bald sheriff (sorry Brad) and a whole bunch of 2x4s getting swung at people. It’s almost a tragedy this movie wasn’t shot in Chewelah.
RETURN OF THE JEDI
I swear sometimes there are a few people in Sporty’s that kind of look like Ewoks, or Wookies. Either or. Depends on the night.
LORD OF THE RINGS
Anyone see the scene where they are stuck on the snowy mountain pass and go “Been there, done that?”
I know New Zealand is a nice place and all, but along with Ewok and Wookies I swear I’ve actually met people who are Hobbits in Stevens County. Usually during Chataqua.
ANY CRIMINAL MINDS EPISODE
Come on, can’t you see the team from Criminal Minds setting up shop in Colville to start profiling people?
“Quick I need you to do a search of everyone who has bought pickup trucks in the last five years!”
“Well, what about pickup trucks with large exhausts?”
“Lots of bumper stickers?”
“You’re not helping here.”
I’m sorry, but the characters on the History Channel’s Ax Men are only about half as entertaining as some of the characters out in the woods in NE Washington. But I understand they have to keep their PG-13 rating.
Stephen King’s fantastic horror novel and Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece is set in a Northwestern hotel where the family has to deal with isolation, haunting ghosts and eventually Jack Nicholson wielding an axe. This isn’t as daunting as the Fourth of July around here after everyone has had too many alcohol spritzer drinks.
So let’s turn Stevens County into little Hollywood!