(BRANDON HANSEN/Managing Editor of the Chewelah Independent)
With the City of Chewelah now working on a comprehensive plan for the future, there is a call for community members to come give their input on July 9 at city hall. The comprehensive plan covers a wide variety of topics, and it appears members of the city and the vision committee have open ears to any suggestions or ideas you might have. The last time this plan was updated was in 2008, which is before Facebook became the main way of communicating in Stevens County.
Since I’ll probably be laying out the newspaper on Tuesday, I figured what better way to give my suggestions than put them in a column for you to read before you use the newspaper as firestarter for your campfire.
CITY OF CHEWELAH SHOULD GET A FACEBOOK
A municipal government having a Facebook page can be something of a nightmare when it comes to public records requests. If there is something the city could work on communications-wise, it would be a stronger social media presence. They could reach a lot of people on social media with meeting changes, topics and other announcements for those who would otherwise not hear them by going to the city council meetings. Go a step further and Facebook Live council meetings so people would have even fewer excuses to not know what happened in the last city council meeting.
Also put John May in charge of the city’s Facebook page so he can talk about how he doesn’t believe in Bigfoot and 500-pound oranges. His letters to the editor are more entertaining than satellite TV.
CHEWELAH NEEDS A COOL FLAG OR SEAL
I’m sure there is probably one from the 1980s that is the size of a coaster on someone’s desk or some beat-up city van somewhere, but lets get a cool flag or logo that we can fly around town. I lived in Maryland for a summer and I swear everyone had a Maryland flag and I didn’t even know states had individual flags back then. Chewelah is so Chewelah-ly, if you came up with a sharp flag that looked cool, everybody would be flying it with pride.
RENAME SOME OF THE CITY STREETS AFTER LONGTIME FAMILIES AND COMMUNITY MEMBERS
Look, I know Washington is an important guy and all, having won the American Revolution and like that guy 2nd and that person 3rd are probably super important too, but how fun would it be to rename some roads after important families from around town? We already have a few, so why not go all-in on some of the more mundane-named streets?
I don’t think anyone knows who Governor Stevens is, and who the heck is Main?
WE NEED A CITY MASCOT
Panwee, Indiana had a miniature horse in the show “Parks and Rec.” Are you telling me we can’t have an adorable mascot that just screams Chewelah? My suggestion would be a small dog with blue-dyed hair sitting in a baby scooter, but that’s just me.
PUT UP SIGN “WELCOME HOME ROBOT OVERLORDS”
With automation taking over, I want to make sure we get on the ball first and welcome the robotos before they go Terminator 2 on us.
CONSPIRACY THEORY TOURISM CENTER
Combine all the conspiracies into one tourism center and put it in one building. Chewelah’s Conspiracy Theory Tourism Center would be a big hit.
Kids could draw chemtrails as part of the hands-on part of the center, flat earthers could point on the globe where they are from. Rent government black vans. Bigfoot could have a side-office and UFOs could take anyone they wish from the center. The question would become: who wouldn’t want to come to Chewelah then?
GET A MONORAIL!
Chewelah used to have a tramline from Browns Lake to the Magnesite Plant, so getting a monorail around town should be a piece of cake. Nevermind there is a “The Simpsons” episode about how getting a monorail is a terrible idea for a small town. Let’s get a monorail so people don’t have to complain about angled parking in downtown anymore. And besides, a monorail is more fun than a pool.
GET A NEW NEWSPAPER EDITOR
I’m sure this will already be in the suggestions at the meeting after everyone reads this column.