By Brandon Hansen/Brandon is the managing editor of the Chewelah Independent
A few weeks back, a good buddy of mine who writes for the Centralia Chronicle penned an article before the 2B State 2B football championship game between the Napavine Tigers of the west side and the Liberty Lancers of the east side. It was a tongue-in-cheek comedy piece called “Everything you need to know about Liberty” where he proceeded to paint it as a Eastern Washington farm town — which you know — it is.
The people on the east side of the mountain were not amused and he got many angry comments about how he’s some westside hipster that just doesn’t know what life is like on our side of the mountains. The problem is, this writer grew up on a farm in rural Lewis County and Napavine is a town that consists of a truck stop and a bar named Frosty’s. So any rural ribbing on Liberty’s setting was all in jest and if you ever take a trip to Lewis County you’ll get the joke – Lewis County is just like the east side.
But as with how everything goes this day and age in the media, on social media and in political discussions, everybody just assumes you’re one or the other and there is no in-between.
Now with the latest proposal that Eastern Washington should split off to become a new state called “Liberty,” people on Facebook are hot as pistols yelling at each other about liberals, conservatives and how bad the Seahawks are. I’m really amused at the idea of a new state just for the mere fact it will never happen. There hasn’t been a state carved out of another state since the Civil War. Building all that governing infrastructure just to be the most sparsely populated state in the Union isn’t going to happen and these lawmakers know it. Look how many times the proposal has failed before.
But what if… we became the state of Liberty?
WHERE WOULD THE CAPITAL BE?
The first idea would be Spokane right? But is there any space for a capital building in Spokane? It’s all sushi bars and breweries in that town now. I wouldn’t mind Spokane as the capital because if any laws were passed I could just blame all the liberals and hippies living in Spokane, as opposed to all the liberals and hippies living in ummm…Moses Lake? Boy, we run out of population centers real quick in Eastern Washington.
(This also means we get to design a new capital which I suggest we make it look like the Ghostbusters firehouse and anytime the governor has to make a speech he has to go down the fire pole.)
WHAT WOULD THE STATE FLAG BE?
Would it immediately just become the WSU Cougar flag that they fly at every Cougar game? Only would they be the WSU Cougars anymore? No, they would be the Liberty State Cougars. Does LIZZU have the same ring as WAZZU?
WE SHOULD INVITE LEWIS COUNTY TO JOIN TOO
They’re just like us in Eastern Washington. If we were to annex them, we would cut off the valuable I-5 coridor on the coast which would be important in the upcoming Washington Civil War.
WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO CLAIM THE MARINERS OR THE HUSKIES ANYMORE
Thank the maker.
INSTEAD OF ROOTING FOR THE SEAHAWKS WE COULD BECOME FANS OF ANY OTHER NFL TEAM
My suggestion: we lure Al Davis to move the Raiders to Pullman where they would play at Martin Stadium. WSU … ahem LSU coach… Mike Leach already has the whole pirate thing going so it would work perfectly. And have you seen some of the people that walk around downtown Spokane sometimes?They would make perfect scary Raider fans.
WHERE WOULD THE NEW LABOR AND INDUSTRIES BUILDING BE?
Let’s just leave L&I over on the coast.
WOULD WE BE HAPPY WITH THE SHAPE OF THE STATE?
The proposed split would be at the Cascade Range… because you know… we can’t lose Cle Elum to the liberals. What used to be the most distinct state shape in the union will now change to a… weird square with a droopy belly?
WOULD THE TOWN OF LIBERTY HAVE TO CHANGE ITS NAME?
I mean do we have a Washington, Washington right now? I know we have a George, Washington because some people thought they were being very clever. Liberty, Liberty doesn’t have a ring to it so maybe they could change their name to Ilove, Liberty.
As you can see, I ask the important questions about the state splitting in two. It would be cool to have a whole two electoral votes in the presidential election and not have to worry about another Russell Wilson interception, but as I said before, it will probably never happen.
But a Liberty-loving person can dream.