Brandon Hansen is the Managing Editor of the Chewelah Independent.
With Turkey Day upon us it’s time to do the time-honored tradition of eating too much, watching football and ignoring that crazy uncle talk about the time he beat Lebron James in a game of HORSE.
This November has been a bit turned upside down. Locally, we’ve had enough rain for some of the area churches around here to nervously begin building arks. Nationally, we’ve had a presidential election so contentious that people around here are so nervous that they are building doomsday bunkers. The Washington Huskies and the WSU Cougars are also playing each other in the most important Apple Cup since the dawn of time, so one could very well expect the end of days to be upon us.
What’s next? Russell Wilson catching a touchdown pass?
In reality here in Chewelah, it’s holiday season meaning time for celebration and enjoying family and friends. Instead of being a Negative Nancy (Sorry anyone named Nancy), let’s be happy about the things around here that we can be thankful for in Stevens County.
If you follow the WSDOT Twitter account you know what I mean. A typical day in Seattle is “WSDOT Tweets: A semi has turned over in the freeway exploding and blocking the only roadway into the city. Please pack a camping kit if you plan on driving anywhere for the next two days.”
A typical day in Stevens County? “Bob on Facebook: Watch out people, the donkeys are out near Colville again, you might need to slow down.” See, there’s a big difference between the two areas and their traffic.
I am always thankful for an Oasis Burger.
THE SNYDER FIELD DIRT BIKE ARENA
If you’ve driven by Snyder Field lately, you might have noticed a few differences. I will state what roughly half the town is thinking, “Couldn’t we have like a dirt bike race or two before they put the track down?” With the massive amounts of dirt everywhere, Chewelah could have one the rowdiest and craziest dirt bike events in the entire county. I’m confident the school district wouldn’t be worried about liability at all.
Now I’m sure the school district wants to get done with the whole “putting in a field for kids to play on” and “installing a track that works for the first time in 50 years,” but pish-posh, let’s give a few middle-aged guys in town the ability to catch like 10 feet of air going off one of those mounds on their overpowered motor bikes. Bonus points for anyone that brings a Monster Truck to run over that station wagon that was sitting in front of the Chewelah Electric/ Chewelah Painting building for like six months.
THAT THE SEAHAWKS DON’T HAVE CASE KEENUM AS THEIR QB
We’re kind of used to Russell Wilson right now, but sometimes people get on his case for not playing 100 percent when both his legs are injured. Please people, we could have somebody like LA Rams QB Case Keenum who has a 69 QB rating. You know how you get a 70 QB rating? By taking a snap from the center and falling down. Keenum couldn’t even do that.
Also remember, Robert Griffin III, Brandon Weeden and Brock Osweiler were all drafted ahead of Wilson. Throw in that Matt Flynn – whose lone claim to fame is being really good at driving jetskis – was on the depth chart ahead of him, and just be thankful by some stroke of luck the Seahawks found their QB.
THAT WE HAVE AN AWESOME RADIO STATION
As much as I would love to tune into Spokane radio stations whose morning show consists of DJs talking about how their weekend was for 20 minutes at a time, we instead have the most entertaining morning show right here in Chewelah. We’re spared D-list Spokane celebrities talking about how they spendstheir day going to Chili’s. KCHW delivers us the weird news and random celtic songs from Jean Jones. Not to mention Val lets us know if it’s snowing in Deer Park or if clowns have been spotted on a city corner. You can also find out what Scott did to make the Germans angry. It’s the best morning show! Trust me! I’ve listened to radio before! I’m an expert! Tune into 102.7 FM.
HIGH SPEED INTERNET
Haha. Just kidding.
WE HAVE LIKE 8,205 PLACES TO EAT IN CHEWELAH
ChewVino opened up their delicious new deli in downtown Chewelah meaning you have yet another place to get something to eat. So basically you have no excuse for going hungry in Chewelah. I’m pretty sure you could go a week and a half eating somewhere different every day and that’s not even including the hospital and the school cafeteria. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a cheese zombie. Oh and there’s a coffee shop or stand on every corner, so again, there is little reason to be grumpy in town.
Let’s admit it; despite family signing us up for health diet crazes we don’t want to do; despite family knowing more blackmail about you than the NSA; despite family criticizing the way you bake your coffee cake, I mean they’re still family right? And Chewelah has lots of families. Well at least five big ones, making it sometimes hard to move up from the kid table to the main table since half the town is at your Thanksgiving. Enjoy their company around the table this Thanksgiving!