When it comes to Holidays, Halloween is like the fun uncle.
Halloween basically does whatever it wants, there’s no commitment (when’s the last time you’ve heard of a family fight because someone missed the halloween party?) and you get to dress like a kook for a least one day out of the year (I might stretch it out to a week).
Chewelah also becomes a real life Halloweentown with BOOFEST and Light up the Park, so here’s a warning to everyone: your costume better be on point.
I mean, how disappointing would it be if we go all out with the pumpkins but everyone shows up to their halloween party dressed like a cat? Whoop-De-DOO.
So I’ve come up with this handy-dandy “Stevens County Costume Guide.”
A TYPICAL HIGHWAY 395 DRIVER
Simply make a car out of cardboard that fits around your waist. Talk on your cellphone all the time. Either walk really fast or slow. Make sure you step out in front of someone so that they almost run into you. When you walk, don’t do so in a straight line but swerve back and forth. Also, if you come up behind somebody, follow them closely but if there’s an option to go around, don’t take it. Eventually somebody will get that you’re a normal 395 driver but probably after they have a fit of road rage.
Actually you might get shot.
This might get you shot, too.
AN UNDECIDED VOTER
Make sure you wear clothes and shoes that don’t match. Keep telling people you’re waiting “for that next video of a presidential candidate to leak so you can determine who would be the best fit for America.” Show up late to the party and wonder why everybody hates the person yelling everything. Also, don’t forget to dangle the “I might be voting third party!” in front of anybody without them asking.
Just walk into a Stevens County restaurant and sit in front of an empty plate.
A NCIS AGENT
Put NCIS on a t-shirt. My parents won’t stop watching you then.
(On a side note, I think I have the names of every NCIS cast member memorized now)
A PILE OF FIREWOOD
Make sure you decorate yourself with stinkbugs, scary spiders and hours of making your kids stack wood.
Well duh, it’s Chewelah.
Well duh, it’s Chewelah.
See: Typical Highway 395 Driver
A TYPICAL CHEWELAH COW
Make sure you just hop any fence you can and begin eating the grass in your neighbor’s field. Bonus points if you stand in the middle of the road and hold up traffic on Flowery Trail.
A FLIP PHONE
Don’t worry about explaining what this historical item is. People around here still use them so they’ll get your costume idea right away.
A CHEWELAH INDEPENDENT JOURNALIST
Just wear a ballcap, camera and sip on a coffee or energy drink all day. Bingo!
Go around to all your neighbor’s gardens and eat their veggies or flowers. I wouldn’t recommend wearing this costume during hunting season because revenge will be taken.
Walk really slow around town. And when you talk, stop to buffer every now and then.
SOMEONE WHO WATCHED THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
Cry a lot and keep talking about the ensuing apocalypse.