It has to be tough to be in city government.
On one hand, everybody sees you as part of the government. Having lived in Eastern Washington for several years of my life, the general consensus seems to be “government = bad, fishing = good, Canada = hey, they have really good specials on their snowboard equipment.”
Somehow everyone thinks you’re sitting in your ivory tower — which is usually a small downtown building with substandard AC — making all the power moves that cause everyday life to be miserable for the peasants.
But in reality, city government usually consists of issues like the ones that were on hand at the last Chewelah City Council Meeting: Skunks, garbage and nuisance ordinances. These are simply the things you deal with when working as a civil servant in a small town, and yet some people will still call city hall and claim you’re the second coming of Mussolini because you’ve raised utility rates by a wooden nickel.
I figured I would help the City of Chewelah, however, since I see they’ve worked on their nuisance laws so they can address more things that generally annoy its citizens. Who wants annoying things in Chewelah? I certainly don’t. The town motto is “A Place For All Seasons” not “A Place For All Seasons With a Few Things That Might Annoy You.”
So naturally here’s a few things I would love for the city to tackle with its new “War on Nuisances.”
People always asking for gas money
I’m in utter shock of how many times people run out of gas in the town of Chewelah. Some of them don’t even have cars! They must have a motorized pedal bike in the bushes or something. Surely they must know how far they can go on a tank of gas before leaving their house without a wallet? I think this must be a kind of Bermuda Triangle when it comes to people’s gas tanks. Fuel just seems to disappear when you hit Blue Creek.
Facebook Game Requests
This is the ultimate scourge of society. When one logs into Facebook, they’re looking for photos of loved ones, messages from friends and the occasional like. One does not want to play “Fruit Pirate Year 2000” so please stop sending requests! As quote machine and Chewelah resident Warren Rose said, “I’m sick of these stupid people on Facebook.”
Deer eating up gardens
There’s nothing quite like spending days and days watering tiny plants, seeing them grow into maturity where they’re vegetable or fruit-producing. Then you wake one morning, walk outside and see nothing but chewed off stems. Hunting season cannot come soon enough.
Apparently the city has also taken action on this. But I didn’t realize we had to legislate, “don’t throw dead animals with offensive scent glands into the city garbage,” but apparently we had to! See what I mean? Running a city stinks.
Getting stuck behind a hay truck
This is the absolute worst. Let’s say you swing by the Chewelah Valley Car Wash and then have to take a quick trip down to Spokane. Get stuck behind one hay truck in Deer Park and you look like the Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz by the time you hit the Y. I’d don’t swerve for small animals running across the road, but straw? You bet.
The sound of dentist drills
Couldn’t they make them sound like soft-flowing water or puppies? The problem with dentist drills are they sound like drills… this is disconcerting when the noise is coming from your mouth.
Writers for the Chewelah Independent
These guys are windbags with a laptop.
-By Brandon Hansen/The Independent Managing Editor