With Princess Leia passing away because of a cardiac episode on an airplane (RIP Carrie Fisher!), I’ve officially had it with 2016. While it’s quite possible to declare via statistics that this year was probably the best year in human history when using the metrics of low crime, low political instability (laugh, but we just had the most contemptuous election since 1860 and a civil war did not break out) and a record number of people climbing out of extreme poverty.
But we still have a long way to go with everything, probably beginning with getting the Seahawks a proper field goal kicker. How do we start? By making New Year’s resolutions that we will probably give up on in a week or two.
Getting out of the Matrix
Remember the movie “The Matrix” when the machines made a recreation of reality that closely resembled today’s society so they could use human beings as AA batteries? Boy that movie was wrong. Instead the machines have made a ridiculous recreation of “reality” comprised completely of food photos, political memes and ranting about Canadians going through the drive thru at Ronnie D’s. We need Keanu Reeves to show up and start beating up on people that call each other names on social media.
Stop spotting “wolves” in downtown Chewelah
Let’s stop trying to shoot our neighbor’s dogs! They wouldn’t be too happy.
Let’s put the bad facial hair trends of the 2010s to rest
I’m still wondering why somebody in downtown Portland needs a beard that would give Rip Van Winkle a bout of jealousy. Are these large, unkempt beards used to store food for later? Is everyone doing their best to look like Tom Hanks from “Castaway”? Don’t get me started on the people that grow mustaches that make them look like an early 1900s boxer.
(That being said, I’m trying to grow a beard and it looks terrible. Beards should probably just be reserved for loggers.)
Forgetting about 2016
A novel concept, I know. Instead of railing on the opposing political party of your choice, maybe try talking to somebody with a different view. The funny thing about government is they seem to take away the most liberties when the populace is divided while blaming the other side. So maybe we should roast some marshmallows, sing some songs and stop screaming at people with a different opinion. I’d like to point to Whitefish, Montana where a white supremacist group has been threatening downtown business owners and citizens (which, having lived in Montana, it’s decidedly friendly and libertarian) for not wanting the group in town. Right, Left, Middle or not from this country, you can’t have a movement like that gain a hammer because everyone starts looking like a nail.
Getting up early enough to go to the Chamber of Commerce Meetings
Chewelah’s Chamber of Commerce has meetings Friday’s at 7 a.m. and despite the early start time, it usually turns into standing room only because there’s so many business owners wanting to be involved in the local community. If you’re a local business owner, it’s a smart way to network and become involved. In a town of 2,600, it’s invaluable to have an active chamber. Also the Chamber Office has a basket of leftover Halloween candy, so I’m writing this so I can grab like four handfuls without feeling guilty.
Not driving on 395 like you’re auditioning for Mad Max
Stop complaining about somebody going 50 m.p.h. On 395 in a blizzard. It’s called wanting to get home alive.
Keep your doggies under control
With as many pet disputes as we hear on the Police Scanner, we swear that either the CPD is expanding into the dog-catching business or the pups of Chewelah are planning a Planet of the Apes revolt.